Chapter 2

"Hi, I'm Marín. I was wondering if we could hang out sometime." I extended my hand to the blank white section of the wall in the corner of the library and then bit my tongue. "Goddamnit," I muttered. That sounded too formal. I cleared my throat. "Hey, whatcha listening to? Oh, Ice Nine Kills? I like their music too." I forced an awkward grin and then sighed. I turned around and leaned my head against the wall. There were no children in the nook, much to my surprise, so I took the opportunity to steal one of the beanbags for myself. But I wasn't even sitting in it. I couldn't even relax. I'd been at the library since it opened, waiting for Javier to arrive. Needless to say, it did not help my nerves one bit. I was considering leaving to get lunch when I finally saw him parking his bike outside. He was alone this time. My heart fluttered in my chest---This is my chance! I watched as he entered the library and sat down at the computer he always used. He took out his iPod and put in his earbuds. Then he took out a textbook. I'd never seen him studying here before. And it was a weekend.

I waited a moment, giving a little buffer in between his arrival and my approaching. If I walked up to him so soon, then that would probably be a little weird. But I didn't want to wait too long and miss my chance. After I adjusted my clothes in the reflection of the glass window, I sucked in a sharp breath and walked over to him.

Then she appeared.

A white girl in a black turtleneck and slim-fit jeans walked out from behind a bookcase and tapped him on the shoulder. Her hair was brown and seemed to be so perfectly done as it draped over her shoulders.

I instinctively ducked behind a pillar and watched their interaction.

"Hey, Javier," she said.

He looked up from the textbook and took out his earbuds. "Kendall. You're here."

She tilted her head. "Come on, you knew I would be." She pulled out the chair next to his and took a seat.

Javier shrugged. "I don't exactly have trust in people who bail on me."

Kendall put her hands together. "I'm sorry. How many times do I have to say it?"

He stifled a chuckle as he tucked his iPod back in his pocket. "You know I'm joking. I get how busy you are."

She sighed and leaned on the table. "Good. I don't know what I'd do if I made you actually mad."

"Just make sure you don't." He winked at her and flipped to a page in the textbook. "You wanted help on the stuff we did last week, right?"

She nodded. "Yeah. If I don't make it up I'll be set back even further."

The rest of the conversation faded away as dissociation began to set in: reality far away in front of me and my limbs growing numb. Who was Kendall? Why hadn't I seen her around him before? She wasn't in any of my classes. Maybe I'd seen her at some of the football games on the cheerleading team, but her face was too generic. I could have seen her a million times and just forgotten. It's possible could have never seen her at all, but she blended so seamlessly into the crowd that I couldn't be sure.

I dragged myself back over to the nook and slumped down in the corner. Tears pricked the edges of my eyes, but I wouldn't let myself cry. Not here. Not over this. With a deep breath, I took out my pink flip phone and dialed Ava's number. She picked up almost instantaneously.

"What's up?" she asked. I could hear her radio faintly in the background.

"I was wondering, are you still up for the movie today?"

"Yeah of course. Did something happen?"

"No, no, nothing. I just changed my mind. I'll see you at the theater at four?"

Ava audibly sighed. "Alright, yeah. See you then. And for this last minute change, you have to buy the popcorn. Got it?"

I smiled slightly. "Got it." The sound of the phone falling shut made me feel a little better. It wasn't the end of the world yet. It wasn't over yet.

The movie served as a nice distraction, and Ava and I enjoyed it a lot more than we were expecting. When we talked about it afterwards, we were both confused at why her brother and his friends didn't enjoy it. In the end, we just drew the conclusion that they had terrible taste in movies and moved on. After the movie was over, we went to an ice cream shop to hang out for a bit. Ava got a waffle cup and I got a milkshake. We chose a seat near a window and as we talked, I watched the cars pass by, intermittently taking sips of my milkshake. Ava was doing most of the talking, and I'm sure she was going on about how annoying her brother was again, but I couldn't bring myself to pay attention. Absentmindedly gazing out the window, looking for something that wasn't there, was the most I could contribute to the conversation.

She snapped her fingers in my face and I broke from my daze. "Hello? Anyone home?"

I blinked and looked at Ava. "Right. Sorry."

"You doing okay? Seems like there's something on your mind."

I shook my head. "It's nothing. It doesn't matter."

She narrowed her eyes on me. "Really? Because you wouldn't turn down stalking Javier for anything. It's a bit weird you changed your mind. Surely something must've happened."

"I don't wanna talk about it," I murmured as I bit down on the straw sticking out of my milkshake.

Ava placed her hand on mine. "Dude, you're my best friend. You can tell me anything."

I looked at her hand and then at her. "Well..." I pulled my hand away and crossed my arms. "When I went to the library, there was someone else there with him. And it wasn't like his regular friends. It was a girl. And I'd never seen her before."

"Does she go to our school?"

I shrugged. "Apparently. They were talking about studying or something." I shook my head. "I'm probably making a big deal out of nothing. It just...hurt."

Ava tilted her head. "Well who do you think she is?"

I shrugged again. "I don't know. But it just feels like she came out of nowhere and...I don't know if that means what I think it does, or..."

"You think that she's his girlfriend?"

I bit my lip and nodded.

Ava took another bite of her ice cream. "Well if it were me...I'd just let it go. It's probably not your business whether or not they're together."

"You're just saying that because I've been watching him since forever."

She shook her head. "No! I know I say that a lot, but I'm being serious this time. Besides, it's fucking weird to be obsessed with someone who doesn't even know you exist." She muttered that last bit as she shoveled another spoonful of ice cream into her mouth.

"I was going to talk to him but..." My voice trailed off into a murmur. "I don't know."

"Just forget about it, okay? Maybe do something else with your free time. Like...oh! When was the last time you used your sewing machine?"

"I dunno."

"You could make some new clothes. I saw this really cool t-shirt in a punk magazine the other day, and I thought about asking you to make it for me, but I thought that might be a little too weird, especially since..."Ava's voice faded into the background once again. She was always like this, dismissive and nonchalant, but I knew she meant well. Who else would stick around so long? Knowing the other people who went to our school, they'd reel away the second they learned how wrapped up in unrealistic ideas I was. But not Ava. I hadn't known her for almost as long as I'd known Javier, but she was loyal and the realist. Her hair was light brown, nearly blonde, and she always wore pink extensions since her parents wouldn't let her dye it. Naturally, her hair was wavy, but she straightened it just like I did. I'm pretty sure her wardrobe was exclusively black skinny jeans and various pink t-shirts, but occasionally she wore some tour shirts from the concerts we'd gone to together. Ava was my only friend. But despite that, I still didn't tell her everything. I hadn't even let her stay the night at my house before, which was for the best in the long run. She didn't need to come over.

I finished drinking my milkshake and stood up. "I should go home now," I said, barely looking at her.

Ava stopped, in the middle of another tangent, and looked up at me. "Oh? It's not even that late yet."

"Yeah, I'm sorry. Just not really in the mood to be out for any longer."

She stood up. "That's okay. I'll walk you to the bus stop?"

I nodded. "Sure."

And that's what we did.

_______________________________________________

When I arrived home that evening, neither of my parents were home, which was a relief to say the least. I tossed my stuff in my room and turned on the television to watch Death Note while I took advantage of the alone time to clean up the living room. It was the only time I could do it, since with my father watching me I couldn't focus, and with my mom always on calls, she claimed I was being too loud. And they didn't bother doing it, so it was up to me whenever I got the chance. And it was therapeutic, I must admit. I enjoyed the satisfaction of completing a cleaning job.

I was taking out the trash when I spotted a little white dog running down the street. I dropped the trash in the dumpster and paused to watch it bolt in my direction. It wasn't long before I recognized it as Powder, Javier's dog. As she grew closer, I knelt down and scooped her up into my arms when she got close. Powder squirmed in my arms and tried to lick my face, but I held her firmly. I'd never pet her before, so this was the first time I realized how soft she actually was. Her white fur was curly and long and felt so nice and comforting to hold in my arms.

"You're so cute," I murmured. "I bet you get all sorts of cuddles."

Javier's voice as he called for Powder sounded from down the street and I looked up from the dog in my arms. He spotted me and ran over, and suddenly I didn't know what to do. My knees quivered and I thought I was going to collapse in his presence.

"Hey, thanks for catching my dog," he said.

I swallowed and nodded. "I um...I...yeah." I held out Powder to him. "She's cute."

Javier took the dog and held her in his arms. "Yeah, isn't she? At least when she's not trying to be an escape artist." He laughed a little. "Her name's Powder."

I smiled a little. "Yeah, I know."

He looked at me. "Huh? How'd you know?"

I hesitated, browsing the millions of things I could say in my head. I timidly pushed some of my hair out of my face and then his eyes suddenly lit up in understanding.

"Ma-Marín?"

I looked up at him and my heart fluttered. "Y-yeah."

"Sorry, I'm not used to seeing you with your hair down. It looks good on you. How...uhh...How have you been?" He was smiling, but I could tell it was the nervous kind of smile. He didn't remember me.

"Everything's fine. We're going to the same high school now, but I haven't had the chance to talk to you."

Javier suddenly dropped the smile and set his hand on his head in embarrassment. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I should have noticed sooner."

"No, no! It's okay. We all got busy when high school started." I felt myself starting to smile some more and my body relaxed from the tension it was in before. "It's not like we were that close before."

He sighed. "Anyway, I'm sorry. We should totally hang out sometime."

I nodded. "Yeah! Yeah. That would be fun."

Javier glanced back at his house and then at me. "Right, so I should get Powder back home. It was...it was nice to talk to you again, Marín."

"Yeah."

We waved at one another and I watched as he headed back down the street and disappeared into his house. As I walked back inside, I felt a million giddy feelings buzzing inside of me and they lasted through the whole evening, even as my parents returned home. I curled up in my bed that night, squeezing my pillow and smiling as I fell asleep. There was nothing but good feelings, and nothing could ruin it. That was the first time I'd actually talked to him since the 7th grade and it felt like that was the only way it could have gone. I replayed the scenario over and over in my head and I couldn't get tired of it.

"We should totally hang out sometime."

Nothing could ruin this.