Chapter 12

Leaving Avery's house was a sudden drop back into reality. Darren was dead, people were torn up about it, and it wouldn't be long before I saw the police making their rounds to ask for information out of the town. I wasn't sure what they knew. I figured it was best to wait until I knew for sure what information they had before I actually gave them any answers.

"I like that girl," Krieth said as I was walking away from Avery's house.

"Avery," I said quietly. "That's her name."

"I don't care."

I sighed. "Yeah, of course you don't. Anyway, did you learn anything at Darren's house?"

Krieth perched on my shoulder. "The boy's father and the other policemen were there. The story they have so far is that he went to school normally, left with someone they aren't sure of---due to his claims of being out with friends---returns home behaving strangely, thanks to you, and is killed in the night. His body was discovered in the morning by his father. Those are the things they know for sure. At the moment, they're trying to figure out who he was with prior to arriving home and if anyone saw him in the hours between the end of school and him arriving home. It doesn't seem like you left anything behind."

"That's the important part. But if someone did see me with Darren, we need to have something to say."

"Can't you just tell them what you told him?"

I shook my head. "I don't feel like it's enough. I would be asked to explain in further detail, since I would have been the last person anyone saw him with outside of school. If they think that he was behaving strangely, then something must've happened even before he arrived at home." I pulled a hand through my hair. "Goddamnit."

"What exactly is stopping you from abandoning this human world altogether? Then you wouldn't have to worry about such trivial things."

"I wouldn't expect you to get it," I said. "But I'm not leaving anytime soon."

"Of course not."

I stuck my key in the lock of my front door and pushed it open after I unlocked it. The house still held a strained silence even after the couple of hours I'd been gone. Usually Dahlia would have greeted me by now, or I would have even heard the sound of Daisy's cartoons on the television. As I stood in front of the door, listening for any sort of activity in the house, the stairs finally creaked as Dahlia slowly descended them. In her hands was one of my sketchbooks, open to a page that was near the middle.

My breath caught in my throat. "You're not supposed to---"

"I'm calling Dr. Kelley," she said, looking up at me with an absent gaze. "You're going to see him today." She handed me my sketchbook and turned to walk in the other room where the landline phone was.

"Dahlia, I really don't need---"

"I've made up my mind. You're going to see him whether you like it or not."

I looked down at the open sketchbook in my hands and the page it was opened to. When I had gotten home the night before, I stayed up late drawing to get my mind off of Avery. I didn't really pay much attention to what I'd been drawing, since it didn't serve as a very good distraction. So in pristine charcoal, I'd drawn a boy getting his eyes eaten out by crows. I shut the sketchbook in my hands and ran up to my bedroom, not bothering to take off my shoes. I dropped the book on my desk. I hadn't even thought about what would happen if the police did see my drawings. Drawings of crows and crows eating dead bodies after crime scenes of two mutilated teenagers covered in crow feathers. So in a panic, I grabbed all the loose sheets of paper lying on my desk and shoved them under my mattress.

"You're being paranoid."

"So what if I am? Goddamnit, I don't want anyone important to see this shit."

"Paranoia will result in disaster."

Dahlia called my name from downstairs. "Jayden! Let's go!"

I groaned, dragging myself to my feet and picking up my sketchbook, and headed back downstairs to meet Dahlia at the front door. "We're leaving now?"

"Yes, the only slot Dr. Kelley has open today is in thirty minutes." She pulled on her coat. "Come on, we'll be late."

I dragged myself outside to the car, following behind Dahlia. I sat in the front passenger seat and stared mindlessly out the window as she pulled out of the driveway and started heading out of town. Dr. Kelley's office was in the city, which was about a thirty minute drive away. I always resented going to his therapy sessions. Being forced to talk about my problems was never all that fun for me and so many times I tried to come up with excuses for why I shouldn't go. Of course it never really worked. As I stuck my hands in my pockets, I remembered that Avery had given me a Pixies mixtape to borrow when I left. We spent the time I was there listening to music, which had given me a nice distraction from all of the shit I had to deal with. I took the tape out of my pocket and looked at it. I ran my thumb over the faded label thoughtfully before putting it in the car stereo. Dahlia looked at me, but she didn't say anything. As the first song, Where Is My Mind? started playing, we reached the edge of the town and were now on the highways heading out to the city. In these long stretches of road, so often there was nothing. Many of the cities and towns were quite a ways apart from each other and it felt as though you were going on a road trip just for an hour-long appointment. Forests of pine were on either side of the road, reaching up into the pale, overcast sky. I leaned my head on the window and stared vacantly at the crows soaring overhead, some landing on the trees.

I couldn't help but smile at them, my mouth curling without my permission, some inexplicable glee at seeing them filling me for the first time.

When we pulled into the parking lot of the office building, I was starting to doze off. I snapped back to full consciousness when the music suddenly cut off and Dahlia set her keys on the dashboard. I sat up in my seat and looked at her with my tired eyes. No matter how serious she tried to be, she could never get past the predetermined role she'd been assigned. A kind mother. A pushover. So as I sat there, her look of disappointment and concern boring into me, I started to wonder how much her life was actually worth.

"Come on," she said. "Let's go." She opened the door and stood up out of the car, waiting for me to do the same.

Reluctantly, I dragged myself out of the car and slammed the door shut behind me. Dahlia led me inside the building to Dr. Kelley's office. We walked alongside each other in awkward silence through the white-walled, gray-carpeted building with flat white lights humming overhead. And maybe there was the occasional painting on the wall, just to spruce up the place a bit. We didn't have to even sit in the waiting room. We were late to the appointment anyway, and as soon as we turned the corner, Dr. Kelley was standing by the receptionist's desk, waiting for us.

Dr. Morgan Kelley was a man I didn't respect all that much. His super positive demeanor, even when discussing the most serious of topics always felt out of place. If anything, I could describe him as the picture of toxic positivity. Whenever I told him about my pessimism or when I complained about what was going on in my life, it was always one of two things that he said: "Are you taking your medication?" or "Everything happens for a reason, you can't let the world get you down," or some other variation. An old man with a white mustache who refused to look at things more than just his happy-go-lucky view of the world was the last person I wanted to talk to about my problems. He tossed out diagnoses like he was dealing cards and acted like it solved everything. I often wondered how he even managed to get a degree in psychology.

"Jayden, Dahlia, it's been a while since I've seen you two!" he said with a wide grin as we entered. "How are things?"

Dahlia smiled sadly. "Pretty difficult, I must say. I thought that Jayden might benefit from coming back here once again." She placed a hand on my shoulder, which I instinctively reeled away from.

Dr. Kelley nodded. "Yes, I see. Well come on in, Jayden, I've been missing you."

"I'll be waiting out here," Dahlia said, gesturing for me to follow Dr. Kelley.

With no other option, I followed him into his office. It didn't look too different from the rest of the building: the same white walls, gray carpet, and weirdly square furniture. At the very least, he got a couch to make it a bit more comfortable to sit in the rooms that made you want to pass out, but it still didn't do much. I shut the door behind me and slumped down onto the couch. He sat behind his desk, and I never thought how similarly it felt to sitting in the principal's office after being caught doing something wrong.

"So what brings you back?" he asked.

I dropped my sketchbook on the desk. "Dahlia found these and thought I should go back."

He gently picked up the sketchbook as though he were touching contaminated material. I watched his expressions change from drawing to drawing as he flipped through my sketchbook. "Ah, I see. Where are these drawings coming from?"

I tapped my hand on the armrest of the couch. I didn't have an answer to that question, and I probably should've. What would I say if someone more important asked where I got the ideas for my drawings?

"Dreams," Krieth said. "They're from dreams."

"Dreams," I repeated. "I usually draw stuff I see in dreams."

He nodded slowly. "Have you been taking your medication?"

"Yes," I lied. "I have been."

He stared at my drawings for another moment before setting the sketchbook down and closing it. "I've heard that students at your school have been murdered. How has that been affecting you?"

I clenched my jaw. "Not like you care," I murmured through my teeth.

"What was that?"

I shook my head. "Nothing. I'm doing alright. Better than I thought I'd be."

"That's certainly nice to hear. You---"

"How much longer do I have to be here?" I interrupted.

Dr. Kelley adjusted his glasses. "Well, you don't necessarily have to stay for the entire time. It's really---"

I stood up. "That's fine and all."

"Are you going to leave?"

I stood there for a moment, looking around the office, and then at Krieth sitting by the window. That switch flipped in my mind, and my gums began throbbing again. "No, not quite yet." I walked over to his bookshelf where a record player sat on the middle shelf, near eye level. "What kind of music do you have?"

"Oh, you'd like to listen to something?"

I flicked through some of the records sitting on the shelf with my thumb. "You like Tangerine Dream?" I pulled the Phaedra record off of the shelf. "I used to listen to them when I was a kid. Their records were the only ones my dad would let me borrow."

He smiled slightly. "Yes, I do. Though I haven't listened to that record you're holding in quite a while."

I pulled the record out of the sleeve and set it on the turntable. "Let's listen to it now, then." I gently set the needle on the vinyl and closed the clear case over top. The psychedelic electronics came swirling through the speakers at a steady pace, and I couldn't think of a better kind of music to accompany his death.

"Oh yes," he said, "I remember how much I loved this song when it came out. And you weren't even alive yet, were you?"

"When did the album come out?" I asked, walking over to the window behind his desk.

His gaze followed me as I walked across the room. "1974, if I remember correctly."

"You didn't even get that right. I was born the same year this album came out, Morgan." I unhooked the latch on the window and tugged it open---a cool gust of air swam into the room as I did. The clouds had cleared somewhat, and sunshine spilled out on the city streets below. We were on the third floor of the building.

Dr. Kelley cleared his throat. "So tell me, how has school been going for you lately? Any new friends or girlfriend?"

I walked back over to the record player. "Yes, of course. I've got a good friend named Avery." I placed my hand on the volume controls. "But it doesn't really matter right now."

"Why's that?" he asked, leaning forward in his seat.

"Because you're already dead."

I turned up the music to drown out the sounds of his screams as crows flew in through the window and ate him alive. It wasn't particularly necessary for long, though. He choked on his own blood, muffling any attempt he made to make a sound. The crows happily indulged themselves in another meal, but I refrained from joining them, despite how much my body wanted to as soon as the scent of blood hit my nose. I didn't want to risk getting blood on my clothes, especially when there were people right on the other side of the door. And besides, I wasn't hungry.

As I turned down the music, Krieth landed on the desk, eating his own piece of Dr. Kelley's flesh. "Killing for sport, are we now?"

"You could say that."

"It's quite the risky move."

I picked up my sketchbook off the desk, flicking off some specks of skin. "Yeah, I get it, but we can clean up here. After I leave, some of you guys stay behind and mimic his voice through the door if someone ever comes to knock on it. Make sure to keep them from opening it if you can. Then after they leave, you can go."

"You're getting it." Krieth swallowed the piece of flesh he had and then returned to his place on my shoulder. "If you're done here, let's be off."

I walked out of the office, making sure that no one was in the corridor who could possibly see his corpse. When I arrived back in the waiting room, nothing had changed. No one knew what had happened just on the other side of the wall.

Dahlia looked up at me from the magazine in her lap. "So? How'd it go?"

I put on my best smile. "Really well."

Her eyes lit up. "Oh that's wonderful, dear. I'm so happy to hear it." She stood up, straightening out her clothes and picking up her purse. "Let's head home."

When we walked outside, I almost couldn"t keep myself from laughing at the sight of two crows by the curb fighting over a piece of tender meat.