Chapter 17

I sat on the alcove under the window and dropped my backpack on the floor. The wind breathed through the trees of the forest outside, and the house creaked along with it. As I sat there, listening to the breeze carry the caws of the crows through the air, I wondered where my life was headed. I wondered why things had to get so complicated. I hated to admit it, but I missed life when it wasn't about surviving. I treated my family like shit, but I didn't hate them. At least not as much as I convinced myself I did. I remembered the day that Hannah died. Everyone was happy. Everything was as normal as it would ever be, dealing with ordinary problems in an ordinary town. The most scandalous thing we did was smoke a bit of weed. The more I thought about it, the more I had started to accept that it was time to move on---everyone else was. They were going to close out the investigation soon, that is, if they didn't find me. Hannah's family was moving out of town, and it was graduation year for my class.

My skin was falling apart. I couldn't stop thinking about how scratchy and tight it felt against my bones. I pulled the needle and thread from my backpack and frantically tried stitching it back up, pulling it back into place over my arms and my face. Though my stitches were crooked and uneven, it was enough to hold it all together. I pulled my hands over my face, breathing heavily. I wasn't ready to throw away my skin yet. I wasn't ready to be a monster yet. I needed more time. If I tried hard enough, maybe I could keep this skin. If I tried hard enough, maybe I could still be Jay.

"Relax."

I looked up to see Krieth sitting in front of me. "What do you want?" I said breathlessly.

"You're fine," he said. "If you really want to keep your name, you can. But your skin won't last forever."

"What can I do? I don't want to go around, masquerading around as other people. I don't want to live as something inhuman. I never...I never asked for this."

Krieth stared at me for a moment. "You're in too deep now. There's nothing you can do except what you have been doing." He sat on my shoulder. "I promise, it gets easier with time."

I relaxed against the wall and sighed. He was right. There wasn't anything I could do. As much as I tried to fix my skin over and over and over again, soon it wouldn't resemble a living human form anymore. All that I used to be would soon fade away and be forgotten about. At the very least, Avery believed in me. But I couldn't leave with her. Maybe someday I would see her again, but she wouldn't be able to stay with me. I wouldn't be able to stay with her. And somehow, running all of this over in my mind one more time, made me feel slightly more relieved.

It was sunset by the time Avery arrived at the house. I had remained curled up by the window the entire time I was waiting for her, petting Krieth as he rested on my shoulder. She had brought with her a duffle bag packed with her things and her guitar case was strapped to her back. I looked at her as she entered the room with a smile, which even then was starting to feel difficult to do.

"Hey, Jay, I'm here." She sat down next to me and set her stuff on the floor next to mine. "A police officer came to our house, so it took longer for me to leave than I wanted, but I finally got out of there. It was Darren's dad, I think. He was asking if we'd seen you around."

"What did you say?"

"That I hadn't seen you. Obviously."

"Thanks for that."

"You already knew I was going to. I'd do anything for you."

Suddenly, I couldn't take it anymore, pulling my hands through my hair, my voice broke as I muttered, "Oh, Avery. I'm so sorry."

She stared at me, slowly shaking her head and blinking in bewilderment. "What could you possibly be sorry for? I---"

"You shouldn't be here. You shouldn't come with me. You should have just stayed home."

Avery shook her head again. "No, Jay. I want to be here. I want to go with you."

"And for what? Just because you love me?"

"Yes, I want to be with you. I don't want either of us to be alone, I---"

"That's not a good enough reason. What about your dad? What about your dreams? You want to go to university. You have things you want to do with your life. You are human, you have a place with everyone else." I turned away. "There's nothing good going on for me, I won't be able to stay in one place for long. I won't be able to live like you can. You won't be happy."

"How can you say that?"

I stood up. "You know it's true. Every single time I have to kill someone, you'll get even worse. You're only still here because you're attached to the idea of what I was. I'm not that person anymore, Avery." I sighed, letting out a sardonic laugh. "I'm not even sure who I am anymore." Avery went silent. She picked at the splinters in the cold wood, clearly thinking about what I was saying. "Look," I continued, "I'm not saying I don't love you. I love you more than I thought I would. But for this all to turn out alright in the end, we can't stay together. Maybe one day we'll see each other again, but we can't stay together now."

She took in a steady breath and let it out in a long exhale. "You're right," she finally said. "I know you are. I was thinking about the same things last night, when you showed me Nancy's dead body. But I wanted to make it work. I was sure there was a way, but..." She slowly shook her head. "Yeah. I get it."

Before I could speak, the sound of someone outside interrupted our conversation. "Whoever is in there! Come out with your hands up! Now!" That voice I recognized to be Evan's.

I turned back to Avery. "You were followed."

She stood up. "No, no! I'm sure I wasn't!" She fidgeted anxiously, tears running down her face. "Oh, goddamnit!"

"I'm not going to ask again!" he shouted. "Come out, now!"

I wrapped my hand around Avery's. Slowly, I guided her out of the house, and we stepped out onto the front porch. Evan Shaw was standing in front of the house, his gun in hand and pointed at both of us. You could see it in his appearance---his alcoholism and days of lost sleep were reflected in his face and eyes. Pure desperation.

"Jayden," he spat, my name like toxic waste on his tongue. "I know what you did. You killed my son."

I held out my hand, eyeing the crows gathered in the trees. "Lower the gun, Evan. We can talk about this."

He glared at me, his hands quivering. "What is there to talk about? You're a cold blooded killer. I don't know how you did it. I don't know how you got away with it. But you are going to die. Even if I have to do it myself."

Avery spoke up through her tears. "You don't have any proof he did anything! You---"

"Avery," I interrupted. "He knows. It's no use."

Evan raised an eyebrow. "So you admit it, huh?"

"Yes," I replied. "I killed Hannah. I killed Dr. Morgan Kelley. I killed Darren. And I killed Nancy. There's no point in hiding it any longer."

He panted, running his tongue over his cracked and peeling dry lips. "Why, Jayden? Why did you do it?"

I sighed. "That's kind of a long story." I ripped the skin off my hands. "But to summarize, I'm not human. Or at least, I'm not anymore. I had no choice but to kill the people I killed, and that's how it is."

His eyes widened at the sight of my true self peeking out from underneath my skin. "What the hell...?"

"I can't let you leave here, unfortunately. I'm not going with you, and I'm not going to let you tell everyone where I went. You'll see your son very soon." I leaned over to Avery and whispered, "Close your eyes and cover your ears."

She nodded without saying anything and did just as I said.

"What are you---?" His question was cut off by the crows cawing from the treeline. He looked at them, and when he turned back to me, I already had him by his throat. My grip was tight, and he could hardly breathe. He attempted to point his gun at me, but I grabbed his hand with my other one and snapped his wrist back, causing a strangled groan of pain escaped his throat as I did.

"Deep breath. Say goodbye."

I let go and stepped back as the crows ravaged his body. His screams were soon cut off as his throat was eaten into. Avery stayed where she was on the stairs, her hands over her ears and her eyes squeezed shut. I figured it was better that she didn't need to see Evan die. It would always be better this way. And soon enough, the man was dead, his remains being eaten away by the crows relishing another meal so soon. I tapped Avery on the shoulder and her eyes flew open. She gasped when she saw Evan's mutilated corpse lying in the patch of leaves on the ground before I quickly pulled her face in my direction so that she was only looking at me.

"Hey, Avery. Everything's going to be alright. I promise."

Tears rolled down her face, but still, she nodded. "Okay. I believe you."

I kissed her and pulled her into a tight embrace. "Go home," I said. "Go live your life. There's better things waiting for you. And if you do, we'll both be happy."

She nodded again, and pulled away from the hug, wiping her tears. "Okay. I love you, Jay."

"I love you too. Goodbye."

Avery left as the sky lit itself up with stars gazing down. I was alone at the house, staring up at the sky and thinking of the future. Krieth watched the sky with me in silence, and I knew I wasn't alone. Avery wouldn't be alone either.

And as I watched the stars wink at me knowingly, I wondered, if God was real, what did he think of all of this?