Epilogue

I don't know who I am. My identity was scattered in fragments long before I was born and I'm still trying to pick up the pieces. It's not fair---that's what I think sometimes. Why does everyone else have the right to their identity, while I have to piece it together? But other times, I really don't mind all that much. It gives me a sense of purpose. Something to do with myself. And I have all the time in the world, which makes it so much easier. But sometimes the days drag on, for there's always obstacles in the way.

The years go on. Life moves without waiting for anyone. It's usually on you to keep up with it, or else you will be left behind. I've seen those who have been left behind. And I've seen those who have moved with it. Those who get left behind hardly ever fair all that well. This is where you get the suicidals and drug addicts who don't know how to live with themselves. This is where you get spiteful killers and pitiful victims. But those who move with the flow of time will thrive. It's where you get the happiest of people. And the happiest of people have often borne the worst losses. That's what I've observed.

I sometimes think again of the names of the taken---that's what I've decided to call my victims---and I wonder how life would have treated them if they had been left to live. I wonder if they would have thrived, or if they would have been left behind. Most of them likely would've lived long and prosperous lives, and others likely would've been lost. But they're all the same. Everyone wants something. And whatever that thing is, it's the driving force behind their actions. That's what makes all humans the same. That's why all humans are so prone to conflict. They all want something. And they all pursue it, in one way or another.

My name is still Jay. And it remains Jay, taken from the name of a blue jay, given to me by a mother left behind by the flow of time. It will always be my name. It's the only thing I can keep with me as the years go on. This, and a cassette tape given to me by a starstruck girl who had big dreams. These were the things that kept me from losing my mind completely.

It was the day I was going to see if she achieved her dreams. I tracked down her name back to Seattle, where she worked for a well-known photography agency. She'd also made a name for herself in the film industry, doing cinematography for higher budget films. Never did I ever expect this.

The office building was one that reached the sky in downtown Seattle. I appeared as a young man in his mid twenties, with short, loose dark brown hair which hung slightly over his face. Pale gray eyes stared back at me when I paused in the reflection of the glass doors to the building. Wearing a suit and tie was the best way to go about something like this. Formal, presentable, perfect for a corporate office. Sometimes I had to remind myself how I was supposed to look in a human's world. Her office was on the fifth floor of the building with the photography studios. I was familiar with that modern, fluorescent lighting of office buildings, and I could never not despise it. Still, it was worth it to see her again.

A secretary's desk lie just on the other side of the elevator in a room that seemed to be sectioned off as a lounge area. A young blonde woman, probably no older than twenty four, was sitting behind the desk, playing a mindless game on her mobile phone. I tapped my hand on the desk, and she looked up at me in surprise, and then a friendly smile formed on her face as she put her phone away.

"Hello, how can I help you sir? Do you have an appointment with us today?"

I nodded. "Yes, for one o' clock PM?"

She clicked something on her computer. "Ah yes, you're Mr. Sutton? May I see your I.D., just to confirm it?"

I reached into my pocket and pulled out a slim wallet. I tugged the card out of its place and showed it to the woman. "Here."

She leaned forward to confirm its information and then nodded. "Wonderful. Just head off to the left here, and her office is straight ahead. Have a good visit, sir."

"Thank you, Miss."

I tucked my wallet back into my pocket and followed the woman's directions. I walked along white walls with artistic photos hung and framed on them, to an office at the end of the corridor. I knocked on the door, and after a moment, a faint voice muffled by the door called "Come in!"

I tentatively turned the doorknob and stepped inside. No words could describe how I felt when I saw her sitting behind that wooden desk. She'd cut her hair, for it sat just above her shoulders. She was dressed in business casual attire, though that didn't stop her from decorating her office how she wanted: On the walls, amongst her various certificates and degrees and photographic works, were band posters from the 90s along with film posters alongside them.

She looked up at me with a smile as she was finishing typing something on her computer. "Hello, are you here for an appointment?"

It took me a moment to find my words. "Yes, yes I am."

"Wonderful. You can take a seat right there," she said, gesturing to the chair sitting in front of her desk.

I sat down on the chair and leaned on the armrest, slightly tapping it with my hand. "Nice place you've got here. You're a Pixies fan?"

She nodded with a smile. "Yes, I have been, ever since I was a kid." She pushed her keyboard away and turned to me. "Alright. So, as you already know, I'm Avery Morrison. Mind telling me your name again?"

"Oh, well, I'm Jay Sutton. It's nice to meet you, Miss Morrison."

"That's a nice name. And you may call me Avery. I'm not a big fan of formalities," she said with a laugh. "So what brings you to my office today?"

"I was just hoping I could get a quick interview with you today." Thomas Sutton was a journalist, so it made enough sense that he would be able to make an appointment with Avery. "You know, about your childhood and your life leading up to now?"

"Sure thing. Ask away."

I swallowed. "So, where were you born, and where did you grow up?"

"I was born in New York City, but I moved to a small town north of Seattle for high school after my father divorced my mother. I consider it my hometown, despite living in Manhattan for a good amount of my childhood years. You probably haven't heard of the town, it's called Jento."

"When did you leave Jento? And what drove you to do so?"

"College. Life. There weren't any colleges in the town, and I was up for getting out of there. I got accepted into University of Washington---can you believe my luck---and so I had an easy ticket to Seattle. I studied experimental media and digital arts as well as cinema and media studies. I made a lot of great friends at university, most of whom I'm still friends with today."

"What did you do after you graduated?"

She swiped a lock of hair out of her face. "Well, I headed straight for the industry. Got a job as a photographer first, and then on the side I made some short films as proof of concepts to sell to bigger studios. Got picked up eventually, and I made some great connections in the film industry. It's also where I met my husband, as we directed a film together."

"Tell me more about your husband."

"Oh, he's great. I love him very much. We have two kids together, a boy and a girl, but they're all grown up now, off pursuing their own dreams. Time just flies by, you know? One day they're little children begging for extra dessert, and the next thing you know, they're flying out to study abroad in Europe or becoming a published author."

I smiled. "Yeah, that does sound wonderful. I bet seeing them pursue their passions makes you proud."

"Oh of course. It's one of the most rewarding things."

"So do you have any plans for the future? Any big goals?"

Avery shrugged. "It's hard to say. Right now, I just want to live my life to the fullest. I love my job, I love the things I work on, and I love my family."

"That's all great to hear. Glad you're happy."

She smiled. "Thank you. Mind telling me about yourself? I'm just a bit curious, where are you from?" She rested her elbows on the table and folded her hands together neatly, leaning forward in curiosity.

I rubbed the back of my head. "Oh, there's nothing all that interesting about my story. I grew up in a small town, moved to the city after high school, and now I'm just trying to get by." I smiled slightly again. "I mean, hearing that you're doing so well just gives me a lot of hope for the future."

"That's very nice to know. Thank you for sharing."

I shook my head. "I should be thanking you. For giving me your time."

"Oh, well it's certainly my pleasure, Jay." With her utterance of my name, her eyes darted to a picture frame sitting on her desk. It was facing away from me, so I couldn't see it from where I was sitting.

"If it's appropriate to ask," I said, "May I see the photo on your desk?"

She glanced up at me. "Oh, sure." She picked up the photo and handed it to me. The edges were worn with time, as you could see even through the glass of the frame. It was a photo of Avery and I at the old abandoned house. It was funny to think about how I used to look: A pale, thin teenager with not much hope for the world---cynical and misanthropic, if only he knew where he'd end up. She was the opposite: full of life and dreams, and that's what drew me to her in the first place. Pressure built behind my eyes at the sight of the photo, but I managed to keep myself from crying.

"So, when was this photo taken?" I said, handing it back to Avery.

"Oh, the winter of my senior year. This was in my hometown. This boy here...he was my boyfriend for a short while. I still miss him sometimes." She set the photo back in its place on the desk.

"Whatever happened to him?"

She gazed forlornly at the photo, the recalling of memories reflected in her eyes. "Unfortunate things happened, and he ended up having to leave town. I haven't seen him since then, and I keep hoping I run into him. At the very least, I hope he's doing well."

"Yeah, I bet he is." I straightened out my tie and stood up from my seat. "Anyway, that's all I needed for today. Thanks again for speaking with me, Avery."

She smiled warmly. "Of course. Have a wonderful rest of your day, Mr. Sutton."

I watched her for another moment before turning to leave her office. I walked out of the building feeling satisfied. Just as I'd hoped, Avery was living the life she wanted. The life she deserved. That was all I wanted for her, and it gave me the closure I needed to see her as she was.

Krieth landed on my shoulder as I stood on the street corner, watching the cars drive by. "You didn't tell her who you are."

"I didn't," I replied quietly. "She didn't need me to. She's happy with her life as it is, and we're both better off if I don't interfere with it. But you have no idea how badly I wanted to tell her."

"I think I can guess."

I crossed the street as the walk sign appeared, putting my hands in my pockets. "Yes, you probably can."

The crows gathered on the power lines as raindrops fell from the pale, overcast sky.